We went back to the specialist after our fourth miscarriage, to be told that we had already exhausted all the options available to us. Our only other option would be to go down the research route and she would be happy to refer us.
Over the 18months in which we had been trying and ultimately failing to have a baby, we had become quite disillusioned by the professionals who were meant to have supported us through this. We decided that, for the time being at least, the research option wasn’t for us.
Hubby had already started looking at other options for starting a family after we lost baby #3, but I hadn’t been ready for that. Even when we thought we may lose baby #4 I was still adamant I wanted to try one more time. However once we had actually lost that baby, I felt differently. The idea of not having our own baby broke my heart, but the trauma of the last miscarriage made me realise that I couldn’t put myself through it again. Hubby said he couldn’t go through it and definitely couldn’t see me go through it again. He was worried that if we did try again and lost another baby, he wouldn’t be able to ‘put me back together again’.
This really hit home and we started to talk about adoption. As I said he had already been researching after our third miscarriage, so was able to talk me through it all.
Adoption had always been something we wanted to do after we had had our own children. We had seen a TV show about hard to place children and had talked about it at length. We never even considered at the time that the first part of our plan wouldn’t be that easy.
After lots of talking and even more tears from me we made the decision to stop trying and to pursue adoption to start our family. We started re-watching a different TV show I had seen before about adoption. As we cuddled up in bed watching it, it just felt right.
We were going to start our family through adoption.