A little ray of hope (or two!)

So after the results, which weren’t really results at all, there was no reason why this pregnancy shouldn’t be completely fine. 

I must have told myself this a million times a day, but nothing could shake the constant fear of losing this baby. The anxiety and stress; scared every time I went to the toilet that I would be bleeding, every ache or funny feeling leaving me reeling.  Hoping, praying and willing with all my might that this little baby would be ok. But also knowing that no matter what I had absolutely no control over this and that despite doing everything right before I hadn’t got to keep our babies. 

We were able to have an early scan and again we had to go back to the place where we had only ever received bad news. Sit in those same seats to be scanned in the same room as we had all the times before. It is the most horrendous thing ever. 

We waited as I tried not to cry. Wewere  called in and they did an internal scan (fun as usual) due to it being early. I laid there waiting for the worse; then the lady did something we had never experienced before, she turned the screen towards us to show us our baby. Our healthy, heart beating baby. It obviously didn’t look like a baby but it was our beautiful little baby. Words truly cannot describe how we felt in that moment, knowing our baby was ok. 

What happened next was also a surprise. She had a little more of a look around and found another sac, but was too small to see properly. Possibly another baby! Possibly twins!!! It felt so crazy that we actually had one let alone possibly two. But it also felt right, like we were due this, the world owed us this double win. 

They said we would have to return in a week or so’s time to see if the other one had developed and possibly confirm twins. It was quite unlikely as there was such a difference in development. But we were more than happy with one alive baby. We got a print out of our scan which meant the absolute world to us. 

Having seen a heartbeat at this stage statistically meant that our baby had a 98% survival rate. We were so happy and excited. Still scared and guarded in comparison to what we would’ve been with our first pregnancy. But we were happy we were having a baby or maybe two!


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