The waiting game

So we had had the scan results back and things had settled down with hospital appointments in general but we were still waiting on the blood test results. After chasing it several times with no joy I came home to a letter from the hospital. 

Now whenever I’ve had blood tests before, if they are all clear they give you a call or you call them, or even a letter to say all is fine. This letter was not that. This was a letter for an appointment to discuss my results with a haematologist. I am naturally a worrier, made much worse by this situation anyway, so this sent me into a blind panic. Not helped by the fact the appointment was like a month away! 

This is me; well there must be something wrong, otherwise they wouldn’t want to see me. What if it’s bad, what if I can’t have children? What if it’s fixable, but what if it’s not?! But they’re making me wait a month so it can’t be that bad. That just means it’s not seriously serious, it could still just be serious. If it was something life threatening they would see me sooner wouldn’t they……?

My husband, bless him, he tried his best but when you’re up against all that there is no winning really. But he always tries and for that I’m thankful. He quietens at least some of ‘my crazy’. 

So the waiting begun, with me convinced that there had to be something wrong. It was the only logical explanation for needing an appointment. I just needed to know now. 

Just as I’d accepted the wait, we found out I was pregnant again with baby #4. A baby I may not get to keep,  because of something that may or may not be on my test results. The results that I had to wait another couple of weeks for. There was no way I could wait that long, not if it could mean losing this baby too. 


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