A cruel twist of fate

So while this was all going on my body decided I hadn’t been through enough, throwing another spanner into the works. 


I have always had a little bit of trouble with my hearing, back since I was in school. I developed a slight bit of hearing loss and ringing in my right ear. Test were done at the time, but nothing conclusive came of it. It wasn’t significant enough to effect my life and the ringing was less noticeable over time. 

In summer 2015 I had a shower before going to bed and my left ear suddenly went funny. It began to ring (think the sound on TV shows after a bomb goes off or something) and everything was quite muffled. I just thought I’d got water in my ear or something and that it would sort itself out. 

This was not the case, over the next couple of days the deafness and ringing continued, with the added fun of vertigo and sickness. It was so incredibly overwhelming and scary. The noise was constant and I was sure it would drive me mad. I sobbed to my husband that I just wanted it to be quiet again. 

At my doctors it was initially misdiagnosed as a perforated eardrum. But as the week went on and after some serious googling, we decided that it couldn’t possibly be that, especially as I had absolutely no pain. 

The next doctor I saw was amazing and referred my to the hospital straight away. The audiology department have, from day one, been fantastic and extremely supportive. They ordered scans and more bloods and were convinced that this and the miscarriages must be linked. 

So I was in and out the hospital at least once a week for both things, trying to work out what the hell was going on. It was an absolute nightmare. 

My hearing loss was quite significant and coupled with the tinnitus made it hard at times to hear, especially in busy places. It was isolating and made me anxious. I missed bits of conversations and hated saying pardon for the hundredth time. I’d pretend I’d heard and hope for the best. My brain would sometimes take a while to interpret what was said and I’d stand there looking gormless for a moment before answering. 

The tests came back and they think that I had some kind of infection and my body attacked my ear instead. Something like that, everything was such a blur back then. Anyway my hearing improved slightly but the loss is permenant (massive blow!) and the tinnitus (the ringing) is still there as loud as ever. I notice it less sometimes and now wear hearing aids in both ears to help with that and my hearing in general. 

But again, as much as all I wanted to do is crawl into bed and hibernate. I forced myself out and got on as the alternative is really no way to live. 

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